shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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