She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
