do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
