it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
