I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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