Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
