I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
