His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
