ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
3pm strippers are depressing
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
