I faked an abortion last night.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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