dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
