so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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