Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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