btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
