I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
