sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
