Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
