tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
