I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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