You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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