last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
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FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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