just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
