I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
