You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
