and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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