You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize