Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
