Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
