remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
