Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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