I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
