I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
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