I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
