Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
