I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
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But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
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so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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