oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
