Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It was confusing and full of hummus
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
