The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
