i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
MIDGETS
????
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
