I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
