"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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