but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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