So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
