dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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