I met the friendliest cop last night
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
