i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
