Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
