Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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