dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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