You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
