The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
