Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My penis needs a shock collar
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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