Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
