Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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