sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
