you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Never underestimate the power of titties
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
