I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Will exercising make me less horny?
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