would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
