There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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