i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
false alarm, still single
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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