So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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