She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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