You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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