I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas