honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.