Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.