Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.

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  (925): Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab. http://tfl.nu/xv4n
  Replies (19) Good night (5183) Bad night (1277)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self

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  (336): i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self http://tfl.nu/v0ky
  Replies (24) Good night (4497) Bad night (1197)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with

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  (541): I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with http://tfl.nu/nhts
  Replies (41) Good night (2171) Bad night (4941)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???

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  (806): What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head??? http://tfl.nu/gwk9
  Replies (30) Good night (4759) Bad night (1655)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly

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  (617): the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly http://tfl.nu/7zul
  Replies (3) Good night (1997) Bad night (888)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.

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  (613): Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi. http://tfl.nu/hd9g
  Replies (9) Good night (4318) Bad night (1610)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.

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  (773): he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer. http://tfl.nu/dnae
  Replies (7) Good night (2792) Bad night (776)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc

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  (314): I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc http://tfl.nu/aic3
  Replies (3) Good night (1006) Bad night (1152)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?

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  (413): How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA? http://tfl.nu/rcz7
  Replies (16) Good night (1002) Bad night (560)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.

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  (216): It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing. http://tfl.nu/gc3o
  Replies (2) Good night (1302) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.

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  (805): Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother. http://tfl.nu/ewkc
  Replies (4) Good night (1169) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.

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  (831): Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword. http://tfl.nu/t35m
  Replies (5) Good night (746) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice

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  (540): I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice http://tfl.nu/bdyb
  Replies (3) Good night (1310) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  You blew him?!?!

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  *Am blowing

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.

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  (347): You blew him?!?! (201): *Am blowing (201): And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying. http://tfl.nu/5nfh
  Replies (4) Good night (633) Bad night (191)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess

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  (817): Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess http://tfl.nu/ufek
  Replies (0) Good night (206) Bad night (140)

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