Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.