Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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