Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.